The Lonely World of Feminism

You may be thinking to yourself, what on earth does feminism/equality have to do with mental health? Well, that would be a fair question to ask. The truth is, it affects my mental health. My experiences with people’s attitudes towards me feels unjust, unreasonable and unfair. Similar feelings towards some people’s attitudes towards my anxiety issues as well. Unfair.

I want to just highlight some issues that we all face in relation to equality - specifically in regard to how it affects mental health.  Dr.Mindy J. Erchull, professor of psychological science at the University of Mary Washington in Virginia “Mental health is a feminist issue because women’s experiences have often been, and continue to be, pathologized. Women are more likely to be referred to as ‘crazy’ for example — both in daily conversation and in the media.” Joel Wong, who led the research team at Indiana University Bloomington, said: “In general, individuals who conformed strongly to masculine norms tended to have poorer mental health and less favourable attitudes toward seeking psychological help.” Basically, the professionals (as well as I) say that social gender norms are not good for us. We need freedom to be who we are. We need to be congruent with ourselves.   

A couple of weeks ago I was feeling particularly down after a bit of a let-down in what I thought was a close friendship. My anxiety was really testing me, I was tired, I wasn’t in a place of strength to be able to quiet my mind and my thoughts were spiralling. Sometimes, when I feel this way, I go to Pinterest and search out some inspirational quotes. I like to see what stands out to me, what quote do I feel like I was meant to see? What words are waiting for me? I found a quote I loved but stopped myself sharing it because it ended with #Empowerwomennow. I knew the eye rolls I’d get for it.

I personally know less than a handful of people who have remotely similar ideologies to me about Feminism and Equality as a whole. My ideologies are this: don’t judge me (or anyone) based on what reproductive systems we are packing, if you want to place a judgement on anyone, base it around their actions.  Please don’t believe that you can tell me or anyone else what to do/or what we are capable of based on whether we are a woman or a man.  In a nutshell: let people be their true authentic self regardless of their gender. Allow people the permission to explore their own lives without ridicule, as you do the same with your own. Permit everyone the chance to simply live their own lives the best way they can.

I am constantly mocked, ridiculed and teased for believing that every single person deserves the right to just be themselves – in the last few months I have raised multiple complaints in my place of work due to the language used towards women and towards me because I dare to suggest that as a woman, I am more than a piece of ass to be looked at, that as a human-being I am smart, I am clever, funny and ambitious. How is this treatment still so prevalent when equality is such a hot topic and so widely spoken about? And the saddest part of all, why am I not backed by anyone, man or woman? Why am I left alone defending by myself? That’s when the loneliness and isolation hits me. It makes me feel stupid or weird. I try my best to turn it to strengths and remain confident within my thoughts. It’s hard being the only person I know who speaks out, uses their voice – opens themselves up for this ridicule. 

I’m not here to express any judgement on any woman or man for not believing what I believe, or living it, I truly believe people have to stay genuine to themselves and if equality doesn’t come into that then it just doesn’t. What I’m trying to express is how lonely and frustrated it makes me feel. I try so hard to hopefully set an example, to plant a seed for both men and women alike that autonomy is powerful. That living in a congruent way is freeing. How amazing would it be to free ourselves from the stereotypes that are dictated for us?!

So I have come to terms with the reality that not many people around me think like me. What I am sure of is that I have no other option to keep living my genuine life. If my friends judge me for these beliefs then maybe that friendship isn’t what I thought it was.  I will have to just find strength in being ridiculed for now, let it strengthen my character and not have so much of a hold over me. I will have to offer extra compassion to those who feel the need to tell me I can’t do something, because I’m a woman. That is my Everest of a challenge; to not take it personally.

If there is anyone who shares the same values as me please let me know in the comments to give me some immediate relief lol or if anyone has experienced the same treatment/feelings of loneliness for their ideas (on anything) I’d feel very honoured if you would like to share those with me.

Finally, if any of you fancy taking on a challenge this week with me – try offering some extra compassion, kindness, patience and heart to those who don’t get you. I’d put money on their issues with you being way more about them than you (must remind me myself of this). Let me know how it goes xxx